How a Sandwich Makes You Its Bitch in 11 Easy Steps

How a Sandwich Makes You Its Bitch in 11 Easy Steps.

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Morning Dilemma: Weak Remote

Remote, you have one function:  controlling the TV from a distance so that I do not have to get off the couch.  It kind of defeats the purpose when you insist on being held 7 inches away from the sensor before you’ll do your job. 

I know the TV is big and intimidating, but you have to stand up to it.  Tell it what to do.  It understands that you are only taking orders from me.  

Here are the things I expect you to be able to communicate to the TV:

“Wake up, it’s movie time.”

“Play the movie.”

“Stop the movie for a little bit.”

“Stop the movie forever.”

“Speak up.”

“Please use your inside voice.”

“Please display your menu.”

“Please select this particular item from your menu.”

“Speak English.”

“Go fast.”

“Go backwards.”

“Stop what you are doing, it is no longer movie time.”

If you are uncomfortable saying any of these things to the TV, I may find it necessary to open up your position to a more assertive remote.   I am sorry, but this is a job that requires the candidate to be able to manage effectively from a distance.  If the TV doesn’t respect you, it will not listen to you, and if the TV does not listen to you, I actually have to use my muscles to walk over to it and tell it what to do myself, which is a big no no.

Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women

We Were Told That Society Owed Us a Hot Girl

Does it seem like men feel kind of entitled to sex? Does it seem like we react to rejection with the maturity of a child being denied a toy? Like the way many guys resort to insulting women after she turns him down.
Well, you have to keep in mind that what we learn as kids is really hard to deprogram as an adult. And what we learned as kids is that we males are each owed, and will eventually be awarded, a beautiful woman.

We were told this by every movie, TV show, novel, comic book, video game and song we encountered. When the Karate Kid wins the tournament, his prize is a trophy and Elisabeth Shue. Neo saves the world and is awarded Trinity. Marty McFly gets his dream girl, John McClane gets his ex-wife back, Keanu “Speed” Reeves gets Sandra Bullock, Shia LaBeouf gets Megan Fox in Transformers, Iron Man gets Pepper Potts, the hero in Avatar gets the hottest Na’vi, Shrek gets Fiona, Bill Murray gets Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters, Frodo gets Sam, WALL-E gets EVE … and so on

And now you see the problem. From birth we’re taught that we’re owed a beautiful girl. We all think of ourselves as the hero of our own story, and we all (whether we admit it or not) think we’re heroes for just getting through our day.
So it’s very frustrating, and I mean frustrating to the point of violence, when we don’t get what we’re owed. A contract has been broken. These women, by exercising their own choices, are denying it to us. It’s why every Nice Guy is shocked to find that buying gifts for a girl and doing her favors won’t win him sex. It’s why we go to “slut” and “whore” as our default insults — we’re not mad that women enjoy sex. We’re mad that women are distributing to other people the sex that they owed us.

Desiderata

One day while I was in high school, my Mother brought home a copy of this famous poem by Max Ehrmann, written in 1927.  It really resonated with me.  Other than attending church almost every Sunday , I was never religious and this was the first piece of literature that really resonated with me and seemed like a pretty good guideline for life.  I framed it, it still hangs today at my Mum’s place. 

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

By Max Ehrmann in 1927